Jane Austen’s Mothers

I know I’m not alone in wondering about the relationship between Jane Austen and her mother. As evidenced by the mother figures depicted in her novels, it begs the question of whether they were close or had more of a distant relationship. We know her writings reflect the patriarchal society in which she lived with pressure exerted on women to marry and not be a financial burden on their families. Was Jane viewed as a burden by her mother after the death of her father? Was her creativity embraced and encouraged? Was her decision not to marry accepted because of her exceptional talents? Will examining how she portrays mothers in her novels provide any insights?

Allison Steadman, Mrs. Bennet, Pride and Prejudice 1995

Northanger Abbey

I believe that Mrs. Morland was the best of all the mothers portrayed. She is described as a “woman of useful, plain sense, with a good temper and what is more remarkable a good constitution”, for having given birth to 10 children. Nevertheless, she “was a very good woman and wished to see her children everything they ought to be.” When it was decided to allow Catherine to visit Bath in the company of Mr. and Mrs. Allen, her advice to her daughter contained “no warnings or advice beyond “I beg, Catherine, you will always wrap yourself up very warm about the throat, when you come from the Rooms at night; and I wish you would try to keep some account of the money you spend.”

Mrs. Moreland’s sympathies were aroused on her daughter’s return from Northanger Abbey, when she observed “her loss of spirits was a yet greater alteration” and expressed concern that Catherine “was getting out of humour with home because it is not so grand as Northanger,” and recommended she read an essay on “much such a subject about young girls that have been spoilt for home by great acquaintance…”

As a mother, Mrs. Moreland demonstrated both “sense and sensibility” concerning her daughter and even though her prospects were limited, Catherine Moreland eventually made a fine match with Henry Tilney despite initial objections by his father. The empathy and guidance of her mother contributed to the success of our heroine’s pursuit of a happy and fulfilling life.

Sense and Sensibility

Jane Austen reveals herself to be an adroit judge of character and her description of the recently widowed Mrs. Dashwood is less than flattering. She introduces us to this mother by describing an “eagerness of mind in Mrs. Dashwood which must generally have led to imprudence.” She was an emotional woman who had yet to learn how to govern her own strong feelings and there was a striking resemblance between Marianne and her mother; they were everything but prudent. “They encouraged each other now in the violence of their affliction” when Mr. Dashwood died and embraced their sorrow while “resolved against ever admitting consolation in the future.” Once removed to Barton Cottage, Mrs. Dashwood indulged her daughter, Marianne, in an emotional attachment to a recent acquaintance, John Willoughby, which included allowing Marianne to cavort unchaperoned with the gentleman, and then assumed rather than clarifying that an engagement had taken place between the two. Both Elinor and her mother bore witness to the histrionics of a brokenhearted Marianne, but it was her older sister who attempted to bring restraint and calm to the situation.

By all appearances, Jane Austen had little sympathy for emotional indulgence as displayed by Mrs. Dashwood and her younger daughter, and far more admiration for the patience and forbearance demonstrated by her eldest daughter.

Pride and Prejudice

Jane Austen introduces us to Mrs. Bennet as … “a woman of mean understanding, little information, and uncertain temper. When she was discontented, she fancied herself nervous. The business of her life was to get her daughters married; its solace was visiting and news.” This rather harsh condemnation also provides us a vivid character; one with whom we can sympathize while still judging her behavior harshly. She is a wonderful foil for her droll, sarcastic, and preoccupied husband, whom she is quick to scold, “You take delight in vexing me. You have no compassion for my poor nerves.” She is also a dreadful model of deportment for her daughters, the youngest of whom she indulges with little restraint. There is much to dislike about Mrs. Bennet, but we are forced to commiserate with her as well. With her husband’s estate entailed, her life’s work of getting her daughters married has a sense of urgency that is understandable considering the “burden” they would all become on a male relative, in the event of her husband’s death. We are caught in the power struggle between daughters who hope to marry for love and affection, and a mother who wishes above all to establish stability and a secure future. She would happily marry off Elizabeth to the loathsome Mr. Collins if it were in her power, despite the lack of support from her husband. Establishing a secure future for her family overrides any other considerations.

I often consider what Mrs. Austen’s reaction must have been when she learned of the aborted engagement of Jane to Harris Bigg-Wither. Since Jane and Cassandra were close friends with his sisters, what greater felicity could there have been than a union of the two families and Jane established as the future mistress of Manydown Park? How heavily it must have weighed on Jane to accept his proposal one day and reject it the next since her rejection had implications for the future for her father, mother, and sister. Facing her mother with news of her decision must have been exceedingly difficult for her to convey and her mother to accept. Perhaps her mother never did. “Single women,” Jane wrote, “have a dreadful propensity for being poor – which is one very strong argument in favour of Matrimony." Her writing must have been small consolation to her mother once her father had passed and steady impoverishment ensued. One does not get the impression that her mother would have embraced her choices.

Mansfield Park

Fanny Price was the beneficiary of a propitious marriage by her aunt to Sir Thomas Bertram who later took her under their care at the age of nine years. Her own mother, “Miss Frances married, in the common phrase, to disoblige her family, and by fixing on a Lieutenant of Marines, without education, fortune, or connections, did it very thoroughly.”

That marriage caused a family breach “such as a very imprudent marriage almost always produces.” After a ninth lying-in, Mrs. Price became “eager to regain the friends she had so carelessly sacrificed” and was thereby “relieved from the charge and expense of one child entirely out of her great number.”

When young Fanny returns to the family fold after rejecting the proposal of Henry Crawford, a wealthy young man whose character she mistrusts, she finds her reception less than welcoming. Like Catherine Moreland she finds her home “not so grand” as Mansfield Park but in this case her mother is a disappointment, “having neither leisure nor affection to bestow on Fanny” and running a household of “noise, disorder, and impropriety.” Here it seems is a prime example of an imprudent marriage as it plays out in real world impoverishment and emotional abandonment, when compared to Mrs. Moreland, who still managed to be emotionally available and sympathetic to her daughter despite having borne many children herself.

One can’t help but admire Fanny’s steadfastness in relying on her own instincts regarding the trustworthiness of Henry Crawford when he pursues her to Portsmouth in hopes of convincing her to accept his proposal. Like Jane Austen’s short-lived engagement, Fanny accepts Henry one day and rejects him the next, despite the risk of sealing her fate by further offending her adoptive family, who sent her home because of her original rejection of Henry.

Supportive motherly love was not part of the equation in Fanny’s life however, there is another motherly figure with a role in the story, Lady Bertram. She made the propitious marriage and had “a temper remarkably easy and indolent”, whose primary concern was whether nine-year-old Fanny would “tease her pug.” Over the years Lady Bertram came to depend on Fanny and one imagines some level of tenderness was rendered towards the young girl for in the end, it was Lady Bertram who required Fanny’s return. While not a great role model, Lady Bertram at least seems kind even though she is very self-absorbed.

Emma

Emma’s mother had two daughters and passed away when Emma was five years old. The absence of a motherly figure is replaced by a nurturing relationship with Miss Taylor who was less a governess than a friend and they shared the intimacy of sisters. With no one to regulate Emma or impose any restraint, no real shadow of authority, Emma is left to her own devices and small conceits unhindered. Perhaps being motherless was essential to the story Jane wished to tell. She was aware that many might not like this heroine, but she must have enjoyed writing about such a young woman, independent and confident, not restrained by financial concerns nor required to marry. What freedom there must have been conjuring this young woman of means, who was both loving and willful. Was this the vicarious life Jane would have chosen for herself so she could write to her heart’s content?

Persuasion

Now we come to another motherless heroine, Anne Elliot. Her mother made an imprudent choice by marrying an impossibly vain man, Sir Walter Elliot. “Lady Elliot had been an excellent woman, sensible and amiable; whose judgment and conduct, they might be pardoned the youthful infatuation which made her Lady Elliot … and though not the very happiest being in the world herself, had found enough in her duties, her friends, and her children, to attach her to life…” Anne’s mother who passed away when she was fourteen relied on a dear friend, Lady Russell, to help maintain the good principles and instruction that she wanted imparted to her daughters. Lady Russell, who was a “sensible, deserving woman” was brought by “strong attachment” to Mrs. Elliot to settle close by her,” and resided near the family estate, Kellynch Hall at Kellynch Lodge. Anne was beloved by Lady Russell for her “sweetness of character” and “elegance of mind” so much like that of her mother’s.

Lady Russell’s interference in Anne’s early relationship with Captain Wentworth at the age of nineteen supported the objections of Sir Walter to the young naval officer; he considered the suitor beneath his daughter’s rank and Lady Russell considered Anne too young for an engagement since Wentworth’s career was not yet established. Anne trusted her judgement at the cost of a broken heart. Would Anne’s mother have offered the same advice had she lived? Perhaps, but in the end, it doesn’t matter because the story required Anne to suffer the loss so we could all have the privilege of reading the letter from Wentworth, who, with hopes of reconciliation, writes the most romantic love letter of all time… “You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone forever.”

Lady Susan

At long last we get to the world’s worst mother ever, Lady Susan. How Jane conjured this cruel creature is hard to conceive. Every dealing with her daughter was calculated and self-serving, including trying to force an engagement to a contemptible and wealthy older man. There are no redeeming qualities in this woman. She is manipulative, greedy, and duplicitous, the ultimate malignant narcissist. I wonder whether Jane enjoyed writing this character who lacked any evidence of maternal love or nurturing.

So, how do the mothers Jane Austen created in her novels reflect her relationship with her own mother? Certainly, some themes emerge such as emotional maturity, emotional availability, imprudence, and narcissism. Mrs. Moreland appears to have been emotionally aware and available, and perhaps so was Lady Elliot, who was concerned about the values her daughters would be taught after her demise. Imprudent marriages play a part. Consider Lady Elliot who realized she’d married a very vain and foolish man, or Frances Price who spurned her family by making a poor choice of husband. Emotional maturity was a missing ingredient in Mrs. Dashwood who indulged her daughter, Marianne, and allowed her to run wild. Mrs. Bennet lacked emotional maturity with her self-serving histrionics and hypochondriac behavior, which was suspiciously narcissistic. Whatever you think of her, you can’t deny she had legitimate concerns driving the singular focus of her life. For me, she may be the closest in temperament to Jane Austen’s mother.

In Lucy Worsley’s biography Jane Austen at Home, she describes Mrs. Cassandra Austen as having a “lifetime of ailments, and possible hypochondria which would alternately amuse and exasperate her family.” Understandable considering that she gave birth to three children in four years which would fatigue any woman, especially a delicate one not in strong health. According to Worsley, Mrs. Austen was ‘frail and aristocratic”, a member of an “old, prosperous, rambling family, the Leighs of Warwickshire” whose father was an Oxfordshire rector. Considered to be “a gifted writer” with an excellent sense of humor herself, she must have taken some pride in her daughter’s accomplishments, but as a widow she must have been plagued by the stress of financial uncertainty, unmarried daughters, and reliance upon the support of her sons to survive as they moved from place to place until finally settling at Chawton cottage.

For young women of that time, the pressure to marry was relentless, and while Mrs. Austen would certainly have appreciated her daughter’s writing talents which provided amusement to the family and were eventually published, she would have been relentlessly focused on finding matches for her daughters. Jane had no income whatever, unlike Cassandra who received a small inheritance from her deceased fiance’. The broken Biggs-Wither engagement must have been devastating to Mrs. Austen.

Modern day readers remain grateful that Jane didn’t marry as it might have diverted her from completing her novels. From the perspective of her mother, the insecurity and stress of moving from place to place dependent on the kindness of family and friends, and stipends from her sons, must have been a heavy burden. We, the readers, are the true beneficiaries of the sacrifices made by mother and daughter because Jane’s characters, whom she described as “her children”, live on with us to this day.

We are all a product of our parenting, a product of our times and the values they instill; a product of our own invention, the person we choose to be, strive to be, and so it was true of Jane Austen and her mother. They dealt with the values and pressures of a patriarchal society under which they had little control. They influenced each other, supported each other, loved each other, and probably drove each other a little crazy.