How unique was Jane Austen’s relationship with her beloved sister? I have a sister with whom I shared a room throughout childhood but unlike Jane and Cassandra, our relationship was more adversarial than close until we both went away to college. We were more like Elinor and Marianne; she was older and more conservative while I was three years younger, outgoing, and demonstrative. We both married early and lived far apart so we didn’t share confidences over the years and unlike the Austen sisters, we never experienced concerns about being a burden to our family; education made careers and independence possible. When I read Jane Austen biographies, I often think about her deep, lifelong attachment to her older sister and feel a wisp of envy. When Mr. Austen announced the birth of Jane, he commented that she would be Cassandra’s “plaything”. I’m quite certain my sister never viewed me as her plaything, rather a subject to her authority as the oldest of six, alongside four brothers also under her sway.
The relationship between Jane and Elizabeth Bennet in Pride and Prejudice seems almost autobiographical it is so very like the bond Jane experienced with Cassandra. They were confidants to one another, their loyalty unquestioned, their support unswerving. They had emotional intelligence that their younger sisters lacked. There are similarities between their mother and Mrs. Bennet as well, including self-centeredness, questionable health issues, and extreme concern over finding suitable husbands for her daughters so they would not be a burden to their family.
The Dashwood sisters in Sense and Sensibility exhibited a strong bond reinforced by the loss of their father and banishment from their family estate by their half-brother, John Dashwood, to live in economic hardship much like the Austen sisters. However, there were major differences in the personalities of the two older sisters, much as there were between my sister and me. Marianne was the demonstrative member of the family wearing her emotions on her sleeve very like their mother. Every response registered on a high note, passionate, emotive, sensitive. Elinor was the opposite, composed, reserved, and ill at ease with the emotional highs displayed by her mother and sister.
Once they relocated to Barton Cottage, they were introduced to another pair of sisters whom they held in great distain, Lucy Steele and her sister, Anne. These artful young ladies were masters of flattery, ingratiating themselves in whatever company they found themselves. The Dashwood sisters found them impertinent, vulgar, manipulative. There is no reason to believe Lucy and Anne were close. Anne was dominated by Lucy who “generally made amendments to all her sister’s assertions.” Lucy’s social ambition left no room for concern about her older sister.
When a parent demonstrates preferential treatment towards one of his children, it automatically impedes the possibility of closeness between siblings. In Persuasion, Sir Walter Elliot openly demonstrates his preference for his eldest daughter, Elizabeth, who equally matches her father’s vanity and self-centered view of the world. Both perceive middle daughter, Anne, with distain. The third sister, Mary, was also ignored having married into a prosperous family and in no need of their attention. Elizabeth makes the imprudent choice of inviting Mrs. Clay, the daughter of Sir Walter’s lawyer, Mr. Shepherd, to accompany them to Bath rather than her own sister, Anne. Mrs. Clay’s artful ability to please and flatter both father and daughter was highly valued by them despite her unequal rank or perhaps, because of it. How mortifying to be importuned by Mrs. Clay when she ran off to London under “the protection” of William Elliot, the heir to Sir Walter’s estate after the marriage of Captain Wentworth and Anne. Once married, we can presume Anne associated as little as possible with her older sister who was no doubt peevish about being the only one of them who remained unmarried.
The Musgrove sisters in Persuasion, Henrietta and Louisa, appear to have an amicable relationship even when both take an active interest and initially vie for the attentions of Captain Wentworth, newly arrived in the area and a daily visitor to Uppercross. Since Henrietta already had a suitor, Louisa appeared very close to succeeding with Captain Wentworth until an unfortunate accident during a visit to Lyme Regis leads to an unexpected attachment with Captain Benwick during her recovery. While they were ‘very good humored, unaffected girls’ from a respectable family, Anne considered them to be entirely unworthy of such an estimable man as Captain Wentworth and perceived that his sister, Mrs. Croft, shared her feelings. Anne’s fondest dreams were finally realized when he pursued her to Bath and their relationship was rekindled.
Mansfield Park introduces us to self-centered and spoiled Maria and Julia Bertram, who appear to have enjoyed slighting and shaming Fanny Price when she first arrived at the family estate. Like many sisters, they are somewhat competitive, but the older sister always held sway over the younger and made sure to get her way. Both daughters were indulged by Sir Thomas Bertram and his wife which did not serve them well in the end. Maria carried on a flirtation with Henry Crawford when he arrived on the scene, then married and betrayed Mr. Rushworth by having an open affair with Mr. Crawford; while Julia, to her father’s dismay, eloped with a friend of her brother. Only their cousin, Fanny, demonstrated a commitment to self-determination and moral integrity by refusing Mr. Crawford’s attentions and eventually winning the love of her cousin, Edmund.
There is one sign of hope in Mansfield Park for sisters Fanny and Susan. To fill the void of attending to Lady Bertram after Fanny marries Edmund, her younger sister is selected to be ‘the stationery niece’ due to her ‘readiness of mind and inclination for usefulness.’ Like her sister, she had strong feelings of gratitude along with sweetness of temperament so their proximity to each other would allow them to form the kind of lifelong bond that Jane and Cassandra enjoyed.
The relationship between Emma Woodhouse and her sister, Isabella Knightly, seems cordial but they live in two very different worlds with Emma overseeing the care of her father at Highbury while Isabella oversees the care of her family in London. Emma appears to be fond of Isabella’s children which is an overall indication of her loving nature, but there are few insights into the relationship with her sister in the novel, Emma. The same can be said of Northanger Abby. While Catherine Moreland comes from large family of ten children, the focus of the novel is on her exploits in Bath and Northanger Abby, so we have no real view of her relationship with her siblings.
I’m left to wonder, how unique are the bonds between Jane and Cassandra? Throughout their lives they remained each other’s confidants, demonstrating true affection, loyalty, support, and love. Cassandra wrote of her late sister, “I have lost a treasure, such a sister, such a friend as never can have been surpassed, - she was the sun in my life, the gilder of every pleasure, the soother of every sorrow, I had not a thought concealed from her, & it is as if I had lost a part of myself.”
I am also reminded of how very different relationships between sisters can be. I was acquainted with a very wealthy family that included three sisters, two of whom were twins. One of their daughters became my sister-in-law and often spoke of them. I don’t know when or how the animosity developed but as adults, none of the sisters were on speaking terms with each other. What kind of family dynamics resulted in this level of alienation was a mystery to me. Was it caused by intense sibling rivalry from childhood or were there specific offenses that occurred to cause this breech? Poor little rich girls, they may have lived in the lap of luxury, but were the poorer for missing out on the family ties that enrich the lives of those of us lucky enough to have siblings whom we appreciate and love. Whether any of them ever reconciled I do not know, but over the years I was always mystified by their extreme disaffection for one another throughout their lives.
Sibling rivalry can be an impediment to creating lifelong bonds although often those feelings work themselves out over time as happened with my sister and me. There are other toxic personalities that are guaranteed to build up grievances and interfere with development of close relationships. Problems such as addiction, dishonesty, or unbridled narcissism can break down ties between family members. There are so many variables to family dynamics and every family is unique.
What made the relationship between Jane and Cassandra so special and so enduring? I believe it is a unique and special gift and I’ve been privileged to witness such a gift in my own family. I have two daughters born nine years apart, with a brother in between. Despite the age difference, they have always been close, with the bond becoming even stronger as adults. At one point they even shared an apartment for a couple of years while one was at university and the other working. They’ve supported and consoled each other through bad boyfriends, breakups, careers, marriage, child-rearing. They live on opposite coasts now but talk to each other all the time. They share an emotional bond and trust each other with their most intimate secrets. They both are blessed with great emotional intelligence. I find it remarkable, and I can’t explain it any other way than to say they are soul sisters. I think it is very special and unique in the same way I view Jane and Cassandra’s relationship two centuries ago; they too were soul sisters. Bearing witness to such a relationship is a treasure and a gift whether we read about it in a novel or see it in practice in our own lives.
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